How to spice up your marriage the right way
Most relationships have a predictable pattern. If you’ve been in a relationship, you will know exactly what I’m talking about. You would understand that in the beginning everything is very exciting.
A lot of the things your partner does either makes you chuckle or turns you on. It seems like both of you create a lot of electricity and magic when you’re around each other. In the beginning, you wish that every second you spend with that very special person would last into eternity. Things change dramatically once you get married. Once you get married, you put on that ring and you say that vow and you walk down that aisle, things begin to change.
Is your romance gone?
Previously, you couldn’t seem to get your hands off each other and as the days and months go by in your marriage, it becomes easier to get all wrapped up in all the other things happening in your life. If this is your situation, I’ve got some good news for you. The good news is you are hardly alone. Most marriages follow this pattern. Unfortunately, a lot of marriages stick to this pattern to such an extent that they become invisible persons. Instead of your marriage enabling you to live a truly fulfilled, contented life that you feel is lived out at the highest level, a lot of marriages feel empty. It seems that it has turned into just another contract or just another obligation.
If you don’t want that to happen to your marriage, the good news is that you can do a lot about it. You don’t have to take all of this lying down. You don’t have to look at your marriage as a foregone conclusion. You don’t have to spend the rest of your life feeling stuck with your wife or husband. You don’t want to paint yourself in a corner where you feel that you are unhappy in your marriage, but not unhappy enough to want to leave it. That is not a marriage. That is a relationship of convenience. I hope you see the difference between the two. As I’ve mentioned above, there is quite a bit you can do to stir things up in your marriage. You only need to figure out how to spice up your marriage.
If you’re able to do that, then you can kiss goodbye all those nights of boring sex. You can kiss goodbye that feeling of loneliness while another person is hugging you. A lot of people think that the secret to a successful marriage is emotional intensity throughout the relationship. That’s not true. If you are emotionally intense 24/7, I can guarantee you will go crazy. Your system simply isn’t built to handle that consistent and persistent level of intensity. Instead, by simply choosing to figure out how to spice up your relationship through better sex, better conversations and better interaction, you can make your marriage more interesting.This heightened level of interest should be enough to keep both of you fully engaged in your marriage over the long haul. That is the better strategy. You have to understand there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. With all that said, here are some practical tips you can follow as you seek to spice up your relationship.
Have hot intense sex more frequently
A lot of married people eventually start looking at sex as just a basic biological drive. If you think of sex that way, then it’s not surprising that your sex life is boring. You can’t look at sex the same way you look at stopping by a convenience store to pick up something for lunch. It’s not like a cheap generic hotdog on a rack that you can buy for 50 cents. That obviously is not a gourmet meal. Simply having sex just because there’s nothing else better to do is not conducive to a spicy sex life. Focus on intensity. Focus on the fun part. The best way to do this is to essentially just feed each other out, explore each other, commit to figuring out what truly turns your partner on. The more she or he gets turned on, the more you get turned on. That is the secret to reintroducing fun and intensity back into our sex life.
Act out your wildest sex fantasies
A lot of people are under the mistaken assumption that sexual fantasies are all about dressing up or slapping people around or doing all sorts of funky weird stuff. No. Fantasy is really all about shared alternative reality experiences. Regardless of how different you are from your partner, there are sure to be some common areas as far as fantasies are concerned. Explore these common areas and try to walk each other through this alternative reality. This can involve role playing. This can involve having sex in unusual places. Whatever the case may be, as long as it’s legal and both of you are comfortable with it and nobody is being harmed or feeling pressured, then it should go a long way in spicing up your relationship.
Have quickies more often
The secret to quickies is not the fact that it’s quick. As I’ve mentioned in tip number one, you can’t look at sex as just another basic biological drive like eating or going to the bathroom. Approaching sex that way misses the point. Thinking of sex along those terms would drain a lot of the life out of your sexual expenses. Instead, use the quickie as a means of getting both of you excited. A quickie is all about like a sense of risk or danger. When you stop by at your partner’s place of work and take him or her to the parking lot for a quickie, there’s some slight risk there. That’s what spices up your sex life. Of course, I encourage you to do all these legally and make sure that you have your bases covered.
If you are going to have a quickie, make sure you don’t do it in public, make sure you do it in a safe space. Whatever the case may be, you need to engage in more frequent quickies to spice things up. You’d be surprised as to how that small added element of risk or danger can go a long way in reigniting the flames of your relationship.
Don’t hesitate to tell your partner how sexy he or she is
A lot of married people think that simple affirmations are not needed. They think that since they’re so familiar with each other, a lot of things can go unsaid. This really is too bad because you are essentially taking your partner for granted. While people can tell if you really love them based on your actions and based on the things that you give them and other non-verbal indicators, saying the right words at the right time does go a long way to making somebody feel accepted and loved. Don’t feel that you’re going to lose anything by simply being more verbal about your affections for your partner. This is especially true when it comes to sexiness.
You have to understand that being sexy has nothing to do with your physique. Somebody can be completely overweight and be physically objectively unattractive, but still be sexy. How can this be? Sexy is all about attitude. Sexy is all about how you carry yourself. Sexy is how you make other people feel around you. So don’t feel that just because your partner can lose a few pounds here and there doesn’t mean that they’re no longer sexy. Even worse, don’t think that just because they let themselves go a little bit that they no longer feel the need to be told that they are sexy. If you feel that they’re sexy, let them know. This can go a long way in increasing your overall comfort level with each other.
Your comfort level is crucial to opening all sorts of doors in your marriage so a lot of the former excitement can rush back in. If you are slowly becoming more and more uncomfortable around each other, this can be a serious problem because it closes the doors to all sorts of things you could be doing to reintroduce a lot of the heat in your marriage.
Being sweet can add quite a bit of spice to your marriage
Don’t be afraid to be sweet to your partner. Start with small gestures like pulling up a chair for her, rushing to the door to open it for her, giving her small gifts. Whatever the case may be, be as sweet as possible. You see, sweetness and spiciness go together when it comes to personal relationships. Sure, you’re going to have sex with your spouse, but the sweeter you are, the more it adds a lot of intensity and texture to your physical relationship. If anything, being sweet, courteous and extra-thoughtful to each other’s needs complete the picture of the signals that you send to each other. In any marriage, there are all sorts of signals being sent. You can send physical signals. You can send verbal or non-verbal signals.
Unfortunately, marriages that suffer from tremendous amount of boring sex do so because certain signals are no longer being sent. Alternatively, a lot of these signals die down. If you want your relationship to truly reignite and get all your juices flowing once again, you need to start small. You need to start taking baby steps. One of the most important baby steps you could take is to simply decide to be sweet to your spouse.
Invest in sexy clothing
You need to take this tip with a grain of salt. Not all partners are visual partners. What I mean by that is not all people engage with the world on a purely visual level. Some people are more auditory. They need to be told certain things for them to get into a certain mood. Other people are more tactile. They need to feel loved, respected and treasured through touching. Other people are more sensory. They need a full spectacle in front of them to feel that they’re truly at some point in a particular moment. Different people interact and navigate the world in different ways. You have to be completely aware of this. You need to understand how this works in your relationship.
Sexy clothing works for very visual people. If your spouse is a very visual person, then by all means wear sexy clothes to turn your spouse on. However, if your partner is a tactile person, focus less on the design of the clothing and more on the texture of the clothing. I hope you see where I’m coming from here. Sexy clothing is a great help, but don’t expect it to be some sort of magic bullet that would spice up your marriage instantly. It doesn’t work that way. You have to pay close attention to how your partner perceives the world on a sensory basis. Pay attention to his or her primary sensory preference and make the right clothing as well as cologne or other sensory accessory decisions based on that information.
Start having sex right after a fight
One of the best type of sex married couples can ever engage in is sex right after a fight. There’s a lot left over emotional intensity after your fight. Also, there seems to be a lot of emotional issues that were unresolved. When you have sex, you get a physical outlet for all that pent-up emotional energy. You end up de-combining this pent-up physical and emotional energy and this can lead to a very beautiful thing. Think of it like mixing two chemicals. There could be a lot of heat. There might even be a lot of explosions and smoke, but eventually, it reaches an equilibrium. It reaches a point where things stabilize and something good comes out of the contact. The same goes with sex after a fight. It can really spice things up. If anything, it enables you to express yourself in a way that you seldom express yourself. The more frequently you do this, the lower the chance that you will continue to fight. This tendency to have great sex after a fight can help you reconcile better.
Constantly try to do something new during sex
Usually, when people come across the phrase ‘do something new’ in a sexual context, they automatically think of people putting on masks, wearing leather clothing, whips and chains and all sorts of funky, kinky stuff. While that may be true for some people, doing something new doesn’t necessarily have to be that drastic. You can do something new by simply changing positions. Pay attention to the Kama Sutra. The Kama Sutra has many different positions. They’re all categorized. Also, there are so many different variations of the sex act that you can pick positions that maximize friction and contact and pleasure while minimizing physical effort.
That’s the great thing about the Kama Sutra -it’s a historical compilation of many different sexual positions from hundreds of years of experience. Couples can definitely learn quite a bit from this ancient sex manual and it doesn’t have to be dramatic. It doesn’t have to involve possibly painful or uncomfortable positions. It doesn’t have to involve things that may seem freaky or might scare both of you. By simply changing directions, you can change a lot of the chemistry and heat generated by your lovemaking. By going through a series of positions, you can navigate through different ways of physically communicating with each other through your bodies. The more you experiment, the more expressive each of you can become in bed. This can go a long way in adding some much needed spice and variety in your marriage.
Humor always helps
When you’re talking to your spouse, try to put in a little bit of sexual double entendres. These double meanings can keep each of you in your toes. They’re very witty so they engage your mind as well as your emotions and your body. Best of all, humor is an interpersonal lubricant. Even if people are completely hung up and uptight, still they can open up if there is humor involved. So, don’t be afraid to crack a few jokes here and there. Use that as a gateway to build each other’s comfort level with each other. The key to a truly fulfilling marriage is that it’s a safe space for your soul.
You don’t have much of a marriage if you feel that you have to put on a mask and put on a show just so you can feel accepted, respected and loved by people who supposedly know you. It’s not a prison with invisible walls. Instead, it’s something that leads to ultimate freedom. Using humor, you are able to knock down some walls that may have started to build up. Using humor, you are able to sharpen each other, so you can engage with each other on a much higher and more real level.
Pay close attention to the tips above. Not only do they help you bring a lot of life back to the physical aspects of your relationship, they also help you engage with each other on a much better level. Marriages can either go downhill, remain stuck or continue to climb in terms of personal fulfillment. The good news is the quality of your marriage is a choice. You can do something about it. Don’t feel that you’re stuck. Don’t feel that you have no other options.