Having Healthy Relationship – what does it mean?
Human beings are meant to make connections with each other. It’s something deep within human genetics, an instinctive survival mechanism to create a tribe. Yet what was once simple instinct has long since become a complicated situation with so many twists and turns that no one is entirely certain what to do.
It’s always upsetting when a relationship have problems. And if you haven’t had a lot of experience, you don’t know what to do. Luckily, there’s certain bits of relationship advice that are always useful, if you’re willing to see them through.
1. Always Trust
The bedrock of any relationship is trust. If you don’t trust your partner, then you simply can’t build a relationship with them. You don’t trust them, so how can you make your life rely on what they do? It would make no sense.
Yet many people think they trust their partner, even though they really don’t. For example, do you find yourself going through your partner’s phone or e-mail? Do you find yourself questioning your partner when they claim they had to work late? These are signs of not trusting your partner.
The simple truth is that either your partner is trustworthy, or they’re not. And if you don’t trust your partner, you can’t have a relationship. Alternatively, you presume your partner is lying to you, and you’re okay with continuing the relationship in spite of the lie. Because without trust, there simply is no way to maintain a relationship.
2. You Have To Communicate
The idea of communicating with your partner is fairly common. Just about any relationship advice column worth reading will tell you that you have to communicate with your partner. And no doubt you feel that you’ve worked hard to communicate with your partner, so it hardly seems useful to go over the concept again.
The problem is, most people really don’t manage to communicate as well as they think they do. They often work very hard on telling their partner what they need, but they don’t often work as hard on understanding what their partner needs.
Think back to the problem that sent you looking for relationship advice. Do you know what your partner wants out of the situation? Think about it with love and compassion, and not cynicism and upset. If you can’t imagine a kind, loving way to state what your partner needs, then chances are you either don’t trust your partner, or you haven’t been listening closely enough when you’ve talked to them.
So how do you fix the problem?
3. Know Yourself First
Many times, people don’t know what they want. A great example is stress eating. When people eat because of stress, they’re not eating because they’re hungry. So trying to give them more food won’t actually solve their needs, even though they think it will. What they really need is something to calm whatever stress they have.
Nearly every argument and disagreement comes from unclear communication. And the biggest reason communication is unclear is due to one or both participants not truly understanding what they want.
So before you talk with your partner again about whatever the problem is, take some time to think about what you’re really trying to accomplish. What is the best possible outcome for you? Once you figure that out, consider what you need to do in order to make that outcome happen.
Sometimes, the answer really is “leave the relationship”. But many times, it’s not. There are plenty of situations where, if you can explain your needs clearly and ask for what you want, your partner will likely be willing to find some way to meet that need. And the best part is that your partner can do so while still making sure to meet their own needs, since they have a clear understanding of what you need.
But what happens if they don’t have a clear understanding of what they want?
4. Again – Always Trust
That may be a repetition, but it’s a vital one. When your partner is trying to meet a need, you have to trust them. Even if you think they’re wrong. Even if you think that you know what they want but they don’t. Even if you’re 100% right.
Because every relationship is based on trust. If you don’t trust your partner, you can’t build a life with them. It’s impossible. So all you can do is trust them, and try to meet the need they express having. And if you can’t do that, then that answers the question of whether or not the relationship is over.
At the end of the day, relationships are hard. The Hollywood version of love, where you meet the right person and everything just clicks, is nothing more than movie magic. Real relationships take time, effort, risk, and patience. So keep those things close to your heart, and you’ll do fine.