Mind Over Matter
Your initial foray into the study of the Kamasutra can be a bit overwhelming. This is completely understandable. We may live in a free and modern society, but we still tend to be less open when it comes to discussing what occurs between a woman and a man behind closed doors. Naturally, what goes on between a couple in the sanctuary of their home is their own private affair. Honestly though, human beings have been engaging in sexual congress for literally the entirety of our existence. Yet, when it comes to the subject of intercourse, most couples tend to become rather sensitive, or even insecure.
The fact of the matter is, regardless of whether you’re in a relationship slump, or you have the perfect marriage, everybody has room for improvement. The kama sutra was designed for the purpose of helping couples to reach the highest pinnacle of pleasure- not to point out the flaws or qualifications of the individuals within a relationship. It is a guide to be studied- by both lovers, to heighten the experience of pleasure; also to deepen that connection couples experience. To that end, there are particular themes within the work that can help you define that pleasure, all with minimal effort on your part.
Communication is Key
The kamasutra book readily encourages talking with your partner, both in bed and out of it. Silence should pass between two lovers only when lovemaking has exhausted them both. No one disputes how important communication is towards a healthy, loving relationship. Yet it is one of the easiest things for couples to forget- especially in our contemporary society that is full of distractions. Talking with your partner, even about the most menial of topics can help develop and strengthen the bond between you two. More importantly, without proper communication, you will never learn your partner’s likes and dislikes. Don’t forget, ninety percent of communication isn’t talking, but listening. Be sure to make note of your partner’s desires, so with regular practice, you can fulfill them.
Respect is My Religion
The kamasutra is great for helping couples stimulate pleasure, but there are important lessons or reminders instilled within, with regards to how you and your partner behave towards one another. The kamasutra operates under the assumption that the persons who read it have a union that is based on mutual respect and affection, with equal regard. That is because the pleasure between two people should be enjoyed to the fullest, without physical or emotional restrictions. Sexual intercourse should never be used as a mechanism to subjugate or manipulate your partner. Without respect, hatred and resentment grows- which are the direct counter to pleasure. You should not bend to your lover’s every whim, nor should he try to dominate or overpower you without your explicit consent. Respect is about striking a balance between two individuals, and thus so is how desire is created.
Pleasure as a Means to an End
Spicing up your relationship doesn’t have to be a complicated endeavor. The kama sutra isn’t so much about achieving pleasure, as it is pointing out that there is already plenty of pleasure to be had- if one only employs a few simple tricks and observations. Pleasure can be gained from the simplest of actions, as well as the greatest of feats. Desire, pleasure- these are aspects of Kama by which we determine our reality. If we are happy, we experience joy. Providing pleasure stimulates happiness. Giving into desire allows one to receive pleasure. Pleasure increases affection and strengthens the bond between a couple. Thus, happiness or joy is the byproduct of being able to give and receive pleasure. All words within the kamasutra are meant to reinforce this concept that pleasure and desire are goals within themselves, and this helps to shape our reality.
Romance: The Secret Ingredient of the Kama Sutra
Most of us go throughout our daily lives, performing tasks and completing routines, without giving much thought to being in love. Regardless of how happy we find ourselves within a union, the concept of being in love is often viewed as a distraction. Thus, oftentimes the idea of romance is set aside for more important matters. Daily distractions frequently help us forget that romance serves to better your relationship. Indulging in romance is not something you set aside for holidays and special occasions. Rather, romance should be considered part of your technique of desire, and something you can engage in with your partner every day.
Striking the Fire of Love
Intimacy is the flower of affection, but it doesn’t strictly come from having sex. It is something developed within the connection two people share; and it is based on habitual affection, as well as trust. A lack of intimacy between two lovers can lead to uncertainty and mistrust. So if intimacy doesn’t come from sex, where does it come from? It comes from the everyday expressions of love- the small things we do for each other that show that we care. We kiss, we hold hands, we eat together and talk with one another- all these are the simple ways of showing affection. This in turn, reinforces the love that is often squandered daily, in lieu of paying bills and providing a home.
Push and Pull
Once love has set in, the best thing to do is let nature take its course. Making love, once begun, should never be interrupted, because that is when the intimacy between two people is at its strongest. For most, this is where sexual technique comes in, such as the sixty-fours positions described within the kamasutra book. Yes, these techniques will help prevent you and your partner from having boring sex. Remember though, sex is as much a physical activity as it is a mental one. Sometimes romance is easy, and sometimes it requires more effort- for you to go all out. Therefore, do what feels best, or feels the most right in that special moment. Set aside time in your busy schedule to spend with your lover; make him or her feel special and wanted. Take an evening off and simply indulge in each other. Making the time for each other speaks just as powerfully as a marathon sex session.
The purpose of this pleasure or Kama, is so that you and your partner may strive for a deeper, more powerful connection. There is something to be said for physical pleasure, but mental and emotional satisfaction may and can be derived as well. Intercourse is more than a basic, biological reaction after all. In order for sex to reach that heightened state that can be considered making love, there is a psychological element also. Romance has the longevity of emotional stimuli, which helps to reinforce our sense of affection, both in the bedroom, as well as outside of it. If pleasure is the driving force of love, then romance is the driving force of pleasure. Once you’ve read the kama sutra, you too will also come to understand the lessons of romance dispersed throughout, and the various ways love can bloom.
The Art of Desire: 3 Basic Tips From the Kama Sutra Guaranteed to Spice Up Your Relationship
Are you married and bored with life? Do you get tired of the humdrum of your boring relationship? Get in line then, because you are not alone in this regard. Many couples in a marriage or long-term relationship, often find themselves at an impasse. They believe they’ve already discovered everything they can about their partner; someone they see day-in, and day-out. After all, when you wake up next to the same face you fell asleep next to the night before, every single day, it becomes easy to assume you’ve learned everything you could possibly learn about your spouse.
However the fact of the matter is, that people have untold depths. When we seek pleasure in each other, in a way we are uncovering the mysteries that make up another human being. Whatever your partner’s likes and passions, it is a guarantee they do not line totally in sync with yours. That is perfectly acceptable, according to the kamasutra. Each individual is unique, and thus the individual’s experience of pleasure is unique to them as well. So unless you have experienced every single type and form of pleasure ever known, there will always be something unique to discover of your partner’s pleasure.
This may seem like a difficult task, given the complexity of people, but really it’s not so hard. You have your entire life to focus on one person after all, and the kama sutra gives means for providing pleasure both generally, and specifically. Here below are a few handy tips and helpful guides for navigating the river of love, and spicing up your relationship:
You don’t have to cling like a vine in order to give your spouse affection, unless of course, he or she wants you to. Affection is by far the easiest expression of desire to share, and can come in many forms. Compliments, caresses, and praise are all everyday forms of affection that are simple to bestow on another.
The art of seduction has long been practiced across cultures, and usually involves a certain amount of finesse. The efforts are well worth it though, and when executed properly, seduction techniques can overwhelm your partner long before you’ve even begun congress. There is too much to cover on seduction techniques in the kama sutra to list here, but the general idea can be explained. This idea being that the ideal environment for lovemaking is one where both partners are not only comfortable with each other, but the state of love is so great between the two that desire can no longer be denied. When seduction occurs, love must be acted upon.
This particular aspect of the kamasutra often surprises readers, but there is something to be said for presentation. When we live with someone and get caught up in the everyday distractions, it gets easy to become unconcerned with putting your best face forward. However, one of the easiest ways to incite passion is to remind your lover how and why he fell in love with you in the first place. Prepare a nice meal and wear a new outfit. If you are musically talented, play your lover a song. Refresh your lover’s mind with your qualities and virtues. Remember that we perceive desire through our senses. When our senses are stimulated, pleasure will follow.
Love is a Battlefield
Pat Benatar was right in more ways than one when she sang those song lyrics. It is a universally accepted truth that couples fight. More to the point, nobody fights like married couples fight. Even a twelve-round boxing match doesn’t hold a candle to the level of rivalry and intensity that occurs when two lovers quarrel. This doesn’t automatically mean that every relationship will end in divorce. Even the most qualified of sex therapists and relationship experts agree that occasional friction between two partners is actually healthy behavior.
The fact of the matter is: nobody’s perfect. In a marriage or long-term relationship there will be disagreements. Couples will butt heads, they will gripe, miscommunicate and misunderstand each other. It is a part of the human experience. Wedding vows are taken, “For better, and for worse.” Unfortunately, on occasion, when you do see the worst side of your partner, it becomes difficult to remember the best part. More oftentimes than not however, it is the day-to-day monotony that proves to be the greatest breeder of contempt amongst even the most devoted couples. Everyday interactions become habit, and habit leads to your relationship becoming boring. Many couples fall so heavily into the everyday routine, they forget to fight altogether. This can lead to prolonged resentment on either partner’s part. A fight can actually break that cycle of perpetuity. It can bring to light issues or animosity that might be underlying those everyday actions. On a more visceral level, a good fight can, and typically does lead to great make-up sex.
The kamasutra also believes in a healthy fight now and again. The fact that there will be occasional friction between the two individuals in a relationship is universally accepted. In fact, the kama sutra holds that arguments can actually stoke the fires of love- especially if that love has gone a little stale. A fight between couples incites anger- which in turn incites passion, so long as that anger is put aside. And as they say, the best part of breaking up is making up. Even the best and most stable relationships could use a little chaos now and again- which is why fighting is sometimes encouraged. Love quarrels help to remind us of why we fell in love with the other person in the first place. They raise emotions only our partner can bring out of us. Fights force one person to react to the other- force us to connect with each other by means of conflict. This can help us better learn about each other, and ultimately, better your relationship.
Sometimes, love is war. When the dust settles however, you can find yourself with a union that is monumentally stronger than the one before. So the next time an opportunity to fight presents itself- run with it. Fights can be good for a boring relationship, provided they don’t get out of hand. You may discover something new about your partner. When there is a chance to agitate or tease your partner, seize it. Get the other person riled up, and just as quickly, apologise, and shower him or her with affection. As long as there is room for forgiveness, fighting can be quite constructive. Even the kama sutra accepts that fighting is a natural part of the couple’s journey- and even sometimes encouraged, in order to make that journey more interesting.